when did it become 3:55 AM
and when did my project become 19 pages long
HOW I’VE BEEN FREAKING MYSELF OUT TONIGHT
googling “how to disappear.” googling “how to disappear forever.” googling “how to erase your identity.”
considering the possibility of disappearing. determining whether or not there is enough money in the bank to do it.
fantasizing about disappearing. fantasizing about the weird small town i’d live in. fantasizing about the nondescript but horrifyingly interesting crowd i’d fall into there. fantasizing about the legendary mystery i’d solve for the small town residents. fantasizing about the power-hungry mayor who tries to kill me for meddling. fantasizing about running away/being on the lam/traveling with a loveable band of misfits.
rejecting this plan because all of my small town related fantasies are based on books i read when i was little. rejecting this plan because my family and friends love me. rejecting this plan because i don’t have anything i need to escape from. rejecting this plan because i feel that i’ve worked hard to get to where i am. rejecting this plan because i’ve planned and toiled and studied and i plan to continue to plan, toil, and study until i reach some Perfect that i haven’t yet defined and maybe never will and that’s okay.
thinking that still, a few days of disappearing would be cool as shit
Since her Gilded Age youth, Nellie had been quietly observing not only Presidents but their wives as well. The women appeared as substantial as sweet custard. In the national curio cabinet Edith Roosevelt was maternal goddess, Ida McKinley sentimental invalid, Frances Cleveland bride doll, Carrie Harrison grandma horticulturist, Crete Garfield noble widow, Lucy Hayes Methodist saint, and Julia Grant beribboned fussbudget.
…What if there was a First Lady involved in social welfare projects and patronage, one who edited speeches and insisted on inspecting public institutions with the President instead of being sent off to a ladies’ tea, or who had her own plan to develop a public land space, or even publically prompted federal policy?
…[Nellie] knew that Lucy Hayes actually held rabidly anti-immigrant views, that Ida McKinley’s belief in missionary work factored in the President’s decision to retain the Philippines, and that Edith Roosevelt could render powerless a public official who failed to pass her moral superiority standards.
Imagine how the public would react to a First Lady who drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and played poker?” —Carl Anthony on Nellie Taft and other First Ladies from Nellie Taft: The Unconventional First Lady of the Ragtime Era. (via marthatomichelle)